it is my fate to be a fly-swat

of late i have found myself becoming more disconnected from things.
I feel as if i am slowly losing myself in the background
i have found a seat from which i have ready access to a million things i love, and am fully dissolving under the weight of their innocuous beauty
As a Philosophy student and all round avid lover of any kind of knowledge, I have literally been taught not to have opinions unless they are severely backed up by testing and cross-examination.
I must base my opinions on fact.
I must (and i say must, but i know it is willing) spend my life deconstructing other peoples ones, sifting through and picking out the gold before eating it, figuring out how applicable it is to real life and then moving on to the next.
I have become very tired of people with strong bitchy opinions because - and im sorry to horrifically generalize - most of the time I come across them they are misplaced and based on silly foundations which are just boring and annoying to deconstruct.
I suppose it also ties in with the fact I hate being a cunt to people, I don't see the point in putting people down just to build your own ego higher, it leads nowhere valuable. You'll hit the ground eventually
I am guilty of it sure, as we all are, but i don't consider it a nice trait at all and am very much trying to erase it.


I would rather spend my life disconnected from things, bathed in the pure beauty of my immediate surroundings - however shit i may think they are - having an objective view which will actually help me find proper answers
than spend my time putting people down and arguing wobbly opinions just to come to false conclusions based on my own sense of egotistical logic
which un-suprisingly, will always swing in your favor.

The more shit there is to dig through
the further away i am from the centre.

but meaninglessly, this is all based on a subjective point of view.
Which must come from a sense of arrogance in my empathy
but one i hold dear, and would like to think is different to everyone els--

wait, whut?
owh
i am the contradiction i was fighting
none of us have differences
we are the same

night

x