Sunday, 14 February 2010

Half Full.

I realise today in my GF's Bathroom that I am a profoundly optimistic person
which suprised me, i'd never really thought about it before but it just kind of hit me.
I remember as a child reciting to my Mother a belief which I had firmly embedded in my mind, that if you never get your hopes up then you will never be naturally my Mother freaked out as she was convinced she'd broken me haha.
But to me that made rational sense.
I have long since abandoned this view, and thank god I might say.

I am quite sure this optimism comes from a surety in myself and my actions.
Which i'm pretty fucking stoked to realise as I was the most nervous, introverted, bullied kid at school when I was young. That nervousness has now turned itself inside out, told itself to man the fuck up then stormed off in a rage at its former self because of it being such a fag.
I do not think myself better than people at all, I detest arrogance as I feel it's a very ugly trait, but i'm just sure that one day aslong as I apply myself I will become something.
It has lead unfortunately to a stagnation in my poetic nature, but if that comes at the loss of riddling insecurities then it is one i shall take :).

I dunno, what i'm really trying to say is i'm very happy with life.
I've finally learned how to put work above everything else, and i'm learning more now than I could have ever hoped for.
My past is still as a Monster in the back of my head which chooses to claw my neck on the grey days, but for the time being I smile at the ignorance I hold of the former however many years of depression.

now here's a Song that always makes me feel fucking awesome, I get all tingly and giddy when it's on, fun childish times :).

Dance the fuck around your room.