Sunday, 18 October 2009

Tree Root Deductions

Thought i'd come to Uni and learn how to drink, instead i've gone the other way.
Which tbh i'm pretty stoked on after all my epiphany's about Alcohol during the Summer (all of which are detailed on this Blog btw)

In order to better understand this for myself and in general (as i'm a Philosophy student i see this as a duty, haha :P) I am going back to the core of my knowledge on Drinking, hoping to delve out the answers. Not any major ground breaking work, but the more you know about where you're coming from in an argument the better equipped you are to understand the answer.

People drink to have fun right?
and with 'good times' they all too often relate to Alcohol, look back now and tell me some good times you've had? guaranteed some of them will of been when you were inebriated. Hell knows some of mine are! haha
But the trick is to say, would they have been any different without said substance abuse (whatever your chosen form)
think about the real fun you had during those times, was it the Alcohol that made it fun or the actual perfect moments in those times.

The Alcohol / whatever making the situations fun, and that's what I HATE.

Plus over the last 2 weeks in particular (since starting Uni / Karate / devloping responsiblities) I've come to see alcohol as just another way to let your standards slip, it is a weakness. I understand why don't get me wrong, and there are some days I really want to go and get wasted and lose all inhibitions but then I snap back into this new-found-still-in-it's-infancy-slightly-awkward-feeling-for-now reality where I go back to thinking i'm far more disciplined than that.
I say it's a weakness because it doesn't exactly take much to lift a Beer to your mouth does it? but to actually accomplish something in life, now that is a challenge
and I REAALLLYY don't think the two can be combined well.
I got drunk this weekend but for the first time in my life I woke up this morning and actually felt ashamed of myself for doing it.
I know I don't need it, I just wanted to remove the awkwardness of a situation by Drinking? but what the fuck! that in itself is pathetic, the situation was awkward so what? only for about half an hour until I managed to chat enough shit to people for them not to feel awkward to me (haha!)
I love that feeling, I am forcing myself to be a better person, when i'm not drinking I'm more focused, I have more discipline & I'm happier overall with myself than when i'm stumbling about.
Today I feel weak & slimy, it's horrible and I know it's come from the faux-relaxation that we all unfortunately associate with Drinking, I mean that's what it boils down to in the end isn't it? an escape which incidently happens to lead to fun.
It would appear we are all 100% stressed the whole time, we are that caught up our nauseous bubble that we look to relieve it by forgetting outselves come the weekend / every day ( Uni anyway)

I know this seems like i'm being awfully hard on myself but it's because I know all too well what i'm like & that have a perfect vision of what I want to be.
And Alcohol is a small, small thing to give up in comparison with the persuit of my personal dreams.

I'm off to go read Descarte / Hume for tomorrow



XLUKEX said...