Saturday, 16 May 2009


Last night I challenged myself to see if I could go out and remain sober all night, as me & my friends don't ever just get drunk, we get absolutely wasted (fail) and I'm sick of it. Plus my mum's an alcoholic who's ruined my childhood so i'm escaping that aswell haha

I wanted to see if I could go out and have the self-respect and self-control to temper my cravings and only have one pint all night.
So we started at 9, everyone had gone and gotten some beers and we were sitting in Svennys Greenhouse playing 'DICK' which is quite possibly the greatest card game ever invented, they had got some E and had dropped their pills but I said I would never touch it again and I never will so I sat there playing cards whilst they drank and started getting all loved up on E vibes haha.
Everyone has their reasons for drinking / drug taking and I usually find it starts at home, everyone I know has their own problems ranging from family deaths to self-esteem issues but I don't think that should ever hamper you, family crutches can ruin your life if you let them and hell knows they've ruined mine.
Two of the people with use are friends through friends that we found along the way, one of them is in his late 30's & the other is about 2 years older & they are both pretty smart people. What got me was looking at the 30 yr old who has had his fair share of problems as he drank Vodka neat from a large bottle in one hand and smoked a joint with the other and I realised I never want to end up like that. They're both supremely nice people but there is no direction in their lives, one was complaining exactly that saying rather depressingly about how there comes a point when you get so disillusioned with doing the same thing every weekend, getting cheap cider or vodka and getting so fucked up you can't move you get to a point where you don't know who you are anymore. Man it's just so sad, watching raw talent go to waste in a pit of inebreation and lack of control. I genuinely feel for them as you could see they both weren't happy with it but had no idea how to stop.

Addiction has stolen the hearts of all my friends.

In short I managed to get through the whole night 'till 6:30 before I needed sleep, stone sober. I drank 3 bottles of fosters throughout the night. But even with this I feel like I've betrayed myself as my original plan was only 1 Pint. But It was my first time trying this, atleast now I know next time I'll have the strength to not drink at all if I want.

This should hopefully be start of something good, wish me luck :].

I will be something, if it means getting rid of alcohol to be it then that has to happen.