Friday, 9 July 2010

Me and you should really get some more sleep.

I am sat in front of my Grandmothers grave,
her presence held more in my hope that she is here with me, rather than an actual feeling that she is.
it lingers like cigarette smoke in the humid air around me, escaping to the clouds after my imagination can't find substance for it to stick to.
I let my feet do the walking here, I tried not to guide.
so I ended up here, with you, my abstract origin.
the only safe haven I remember from a world that is still out for my young bloods heart.

Her comfort in death brings me solace,
she's found the answer whilst the rest of run blind beneath the giant yoke in the sky.I envy her sleep
i'll end up here too one day with you, after all the silly contructs and porcelain hope has been removed and forgotten
my eyes are heavy for the grave.

but the show must go on in the mean time, the protagonist must struggle against his tragic fate beneath Gods gaze.
Still trying to push back the tides. Still screaming at the Sun
But the sickly feeling at the bottom of my stomach has a voice today, a black hole consciousness dragging me into the open night.
I am dissolving into the landscape, into the infinite watering hole of the world where all the Ants lift their leaves and the Rams rut.
Tonight is still, the colours run together in the cold air to make the horizon of trees become a runny watercolour, filled with the smudges of houses and dissonance of bird conversation. everything rests in its photosynthesis, the great murmur ululates in earthquake beats.
The stillness pierces the heart.
All around there is a knowing, the knowing of a God who's day is done, and whom has put his feet up and left the Ants to themselves.
And lo! the horror and black bile which arise to suffokate a man when he is left alone to think upon his deeds. Upon his regrets.
how many deaths fill his tired head.

i'm alone without you Mary
we're all alone without you.

the hole in my head is dragging me backwards, engulfed in beds of cut grass
surrounded by the stone monuments that humanity leaves to its dead
Skyscrapers 2ft tall.

The picture is of the Stone in my Villages Churchyard