Sunday, 28 March 2010

From now on.

Over the past few days things have become clearer than they ever have been.

My sister is a shining example of inner strength, she has gone through / seen things people her age/ people in general should never ever experience, ever and it is a testament to her strength the fact that she is still as straight talking and bashful as ever.
But there are times when I catch glimpses underneath her shell and see that she is breaking and that underneath all the swearing and bravado there is a little Girl who is very very unsure of herself and what the fuck is going on with her messed up surroundings.
the first night back was one those. Me and my Sister were in her room talking when she confessed she was addicted to smoking Weed and was finding it really hard to cope with every day life, her words "it's alright for you, you don't have to deal with it, i'm here all the time by myself" hit me so fucking hard.
Looking after my Father who has now been medically verified as having signs of dementia takes up most of her free time and with my Mothers drinking & arguments with my domestic-abuse loving Stepdad spiralling out of control she doesn't have anyone to turn to for support, as my Stepdad (now that i've gone) will ring her to ask what to do when my Mother is drunk, as he used to come to me. It got the feeling she feels everything is now centered directly on her.
She said she was neglecting her college work and there was a period of 3 days where she hadn't left her room, all she was doing was waking up, smoking weed then going back to sleep.

These past few days at Home have taught me that my Sister and Father will be the top priorities in my life from now on, especially my Sister.
My 'Mother' does not come into this at all.

From now on, you are the reasons why I will work harder
you are the reasons I will train harder
I will be stronger for you, I will be your hope, because we have no-one else aside from ourselves.



Anonymous said...

Addicted to smoking weed? Not possible.

Anonymous said...

Of course it's possible.

Hope everything gets better. x

Anonymous said...

You are such a caring bro. i bet your sis loves you loads, i hope she knows how lucky she is to have you. by the way, she is really beautiful!

zara x

Anonymous said...

Yes it is possible. Mental addiction to THC has increased over the years in conjunction with the potency of weed. It's not a physical addiction like heroin for example, where the body reacts in a drastically negative way due to withdrawal, but a mental addiction to THC where you get cravings much like tobacco and alcohol and it can be much worse because of the long term side effects.
I should know.